Welcome to the second installment of the Awakened Heart series with host Bill de la Cruz and special guests; Guadalupe Guajardo and Shauna Lugar. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and subscribe to the podcast, so you can be notified when a new episode is released.

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The Awakened Heart

We have another session of our Awakened Heart Rehumanizing Our Connection conversation. I want to remind everybody that The Origination Point was started to start to talk about and honor the things that we have gone through and to make connections between how we show up as adults and the things that we have experienced in our lives, and wrapped around creating awareness, self-reflection, and the ability to have conversations with each other to move past this divisiveness to reconnecting, rehumanizing, and seeing the beauty in everybody’s authentic self.

This series that we are on is called The Awakened Heart Rehumanizing our Connections. It was the brainstorm of a friend and colleague of mine that I met in Oregon. It is designed to get people’s voices in. I’m going to let Guadalupe talk a little bit more about that in a minute. I want to say that you are going to read a conversation with three of us who know each other.

We work and met in Oregon as part of a group called Youth Villages that works with youth that is in the foster care system. Some of our conversations will be rooted around how we see people and how we support people, and it’s important to know that there’s a background to that. Even in our stories, the reason why we have these conversations is that it’s a part of who we are and our experiences. We have a great guest, so I’m going to turn it over to Guadalupe. You can talk about yourself and introduce our guest, and off we go.

Thank you so much, Bill. I look forward to these storytelling moments. Part of my life and my values are civic engagement. I do limit myself to three boards at a time so that I can do a good job. It was in joining Youth Villages Oregon that I met Shauna Lugar, whom you are going to meet. Shauna and I hit it off extremely well and have become friends.

It’s such that we have coffee, lunch, and happy hour together, and it was in one of those moments that she shared this story. I want to preface this by saying that I don’t know if it’s because I’m a human being that loves my species or part of it is that I’m a Roman Catholic nun. I love people, I listen to people, and I listen to stories.

I particularly know the stories that are told by White people who do what I consider awakened heart moments that tell beautiful stories of something they learned, experienced, and did. When I asked White people, “Why don’t you share those stories with each other?” I noticed they shared them with me, but not with each other. They go, “We don’t want to sound like we are bragging about ourselves. We don’t want to sound like I’m a good White person.” I said, “You need to tell these stories so more White people know how good White people are and what wonderful things White people are doing.”

 

What I have looked for in the back of my mind when I hear these stories are four pillars. Is there altruism in your story? Is her love of neighbor in your story? Is there a sense of oneness of human humanity in there? Is there some sense of moral code? Most of the time, stories have all of these elements in them. As Shauna was telling me this story, completely unaware that I’m tracking to see who’s got these awakened heart moments, I went, “This is one of those awakened heart moments. I want to add her to my guest list.”

Before Shauna jumps in, it’s a very interesting perspective around the fact that people can’t tell their own stories of being good people. It’s another conversation that you and I can have in a future dialogue. We will awaken our minds to that conversation. Go ahead and introduce our guest.

I want to introduce my dear beloved friend, Shauna Lugar. Take it away, Shauna.

I care so much about both of you, so it’s pretty fantastic to be talking with you right now on your show.

We are very excited to have you here and as Guadalupe said, you have a story that you want to share. As was said, we are here telling our stories. I would love for you to share a little bit about who you are first and then jump right into your story. Maybe it’s a value or belief that you might connect to the story that you are going to share with us.

I have been a fundraiser for years for various nonprofits, but most of which were child-serving organizations. I was eight years at a child abuse assessment center. I was about a year at a children’s advocacy organization. I have been at Youth Villages for five years. We are a community-based organization, which means we go into the community to serve children and families who are at risk of separation, as well as young people who are aging out of foster care.

Support strengthening them so that they can be successful as a family and or as a young adult in the adult world who hasn’t had your traditional support. This story in particular hit me hard because, after fifteen years in philanthropy, I know the joy of philanthropy. I know the joy of giving and the joy of receiving on behalf of someone else to support someone else.

 

It’s a beautiful thing. This story includes philanthropy and it was the first time that I experienced the opposite of joyful giving, and I struggled and wrestled with the why behind that. Guadalupe was helpful in helping me unpack it and try to see some of the good and the positive in it when I felt so horrible.

It sounds like a great story. I’m going to let you jump right in and tell your story.

I was meeting a donor to my organization at his home. I was going to jump in the car with him and his wife and he was going to drive us to another location for lunch. We did that. I was in a part of town outskirts of Beaverton that I’m not very familiar with. We had a great lunch. I love this couple. They are fantastic individuals and supporters.

On the way back from lunch, it was a cold and miserable day at the end of January or early February. We were passing a grocery store and there was a mom out front of it holding a sign asking for money and she had a child with her. We were driving by. I could see the child reaching out to the mom and the mom rushing her back into the stroller, and that’s as much as I saw.

I had gotten back from traveling to a celebration of life for my grandmother, and before I left, I had pulled some cash out of my bank account and I hadn’t had a chance to put it back. I knew at that moment I was going to go back and give that money to the mom. I shared this with Guadalupe as well. I have never been compelled to give to people who are asking for money on the street, and I don’t know what that says about me, but it’s a true story. I never felt compelled in the way I did at that moment.

I went back to the donor’s house and we sat in their living room and we chatted for a little bit. The whole time, I was thinking about the crossroads of where that grocery store was because as I said, I’m not familiar with that part of town. As soon as we were done, we talked for another hour or so. I jumped in my car. I went back and the mom was still there. I parked in the parking lot and walked up to her because being new to the experience of giving money to someone that I don’t know, a complete stranger on the street. I wanted to learn a little bit more about her. I wanted to understand what had led her to be there on that day.

I walked up to her and she was sweet. She spoke broken English in what sounded like an Eastern European dialect. She said that she’s a single mom. She’s trying to come up with $1,000 for rent and anything helps. I asked if I could see or meet her daughter. She took me over and introduced her. Her name was Alexandria. She’s four years old and my youngest child is four years old.

It was very real at that moment, this four-year-old and what my four-year-old looks like and what he wants in life. He’s very active, and playful, and wants to be with me. I was thinking about that moment I had passed and when this little girl was reaching out to her mom because I can’t imagine what it’s like for a child to be strapped to the stroller because it’s a busy road and wanting to be with her mom and her mom trying to accomplish something for safety and security for their family.

As I continued to talk to her, I was asking her about work and she said, “I can’t get work because I can’t get childcare.” I kept thinking. I know there are resources out there, but I’m not familiar with this part of town. I could tell that I was starting to get choked up. The whole situation was becoming feeling like it was hopeless and I was at a loss.

This mom was so positive and very joyful. I realized that she does not need to be responsible for my tears or for comforting me in this situation. I gave her the money and fled to my car and then was hysterically crying all the way back to the office. I did get back to the office and I sent a message to a nonprofit I knew of in that area. I received this basic response that said, “If somebody needs help with rent, they can call this number wait times or 90 minutes. If you get a busy signal, hang up and call back. If somebody needs help with healthcare assistance, call this number and leave a message. If you need help with utilities, call this number.”

Most of the time, no one is responsible for your tears or for comforting you in your situation. Share on X

I was thinking, I continued to feel decreasingly hopeless that what did my money matter in the spirit of things? Even if she was able to raise $1,000 at that moment, there would always be the next month and the month after that. This is not how a mom and her daughter should be spending significant hours of their time on a cold and awful day.

There were probably hundreds of more like her who were not getting the support that they need. She needs somebody who can go sit with her, be with her, and help her navigate those phone trees, make those phone calls, and access the resources that she can get so that she’s not doing this again next month. It felt awful. That was the story that I shared with Guadalupe because as I said, I know the joy of giving and it didn’t feel good. Not because I thought that anything bad was going to take place with my money, but because it didn’t feel enough to dent the issue.

It sounds like you were moved emotionally. Also, I know you have kids. You talked about how that was another connection. What are your thoughts about our connectedness as a community, the messages about situations like that, and even your feeling of, “I don’t know how to be helpful?” Beyond what you did is thinking about how those things affect you and what some of the messages there are. It’s interesting. You could look at it a few ways where people say, “Homeless people are there for that reason,” or that you don’t know where your money is going. Yet you still felt compelled to be able to do that, and you said, “I have not ever done that before.”

I haven’t. The one thing that I appreciated was she had a bag of food that somebody had gone into the grocery store and brought back for her and her child. I knew she had some food, and she was grateful for that. She was grateful for everything. What’s interesting is that I raise funds and there’s nothing different from this situation than what I do.

We raise dollars to help young people right now and tomorrow, there will be more young people aging out of foster care that need help. I will still need to go back to people and ask for their continued support to meet that need. I’m not sure why I couldn’t make that connection when the donors to the very organizations that I represent have easily made that connection, and yet at that moment, it felt very hopeless.

 

It says a lot about our support and just a lot from all perspectives and the craziness of the world that we are all navigating right now. Guadalupe, I will let you jump in. I’m sure you have some thoughts and questions.

Shauna, of the many years that I have known you, I know you to have a big heart. I’m still a little curious about what was in alignment with your heart that you saw this. It was in the back of your mind, “I want to do something about this.” You went back to the intersection. You didn’t just hand over cash but wanted to get to know the person. That’s the part that fascinates me.

Some people might have driven by going, “I feel so badly for them,” but that’s as far as it goes. It lingered for you enough that you said it was in the back of your mind to get back to that intersection. As divine providence would have it, you had some cash that you could give her, but then you wanted to reach out to make an even deeper connection, “Tell me who you are. Tell me about your life. Tell us more about the journey for you that made this such a unique situation.”

This is a mom. I’m a mom and I know that it takes a village to raise my babies. I know that I could not do what I’m doing, have the job that I have, and pursue additional areas of my life and professional development without my parents and this big family that I’m married into. I could not do this without them. She seemed so alone at that moment.

She’s here from another country. She’s a single mom trying to do this. She doesn’t have her village. You hope that there is a network of moms in the community that can be that village and show up for her and I wanted to do that. I wanted to somehow be in that village. I wish for a longer connection with her because I wish I could continue in that role, but that’s what stood out for me the most.

It takes a village to raise a kid. Be part of the village that a certain mom may need to raise her babies. Share on X

It’s the motherhood connection and only by the grace of God is that not you and your child.

Yes. Moms are the biggest champions for one another. They can also be the biggest critics. Your strength is your weakness. Fellow moms can step into that village support network that we all need for advice, comfort, and support, and they can also be the criticism that you wish wasn’t there.

What will keep you from not getting calloused? In other words, you are going to see this again and again. Will your response be the same? Will it tug at your heart? Will you want to get to know the person? Will you want to see what you can do to help? What do you think you might do or what might you feel? I see this all the time.

My hope and my wish for this mom in particular is that everything is in season. Everything is a phase. I hope that by her joyful nature, she can hang on until her little girl is in school, and then she’s got some built-in safety nets and supports that allow her to maybe see what else she can do for her family. If I’m ever in Beaverton, it’s not going to stop me from driving by this grocery store to see if I can. I still have the piece of paper with all the numbers and I’m like, “We are going to sit down. We are going to call these numbers together.” In terms of the callousness of it, when it comes to motherhood, I will always show up for a fellow mom. That’s one I can’t become jaded from. We are all in this together.

That’s what resonates for you what I’m hearing is you have a built-in, into your heart, this radar for moms who could use a helping hand.

Build into your heart this radar for moms who could use a helping hand. Share on X

I just think about the day that I was on the floor of a grocery store with my same kiddo, the youngest one, having a temper tantrum. We sat on the floor and I held him while he screamed it out. Moms would walk by me and give me a wink. All I needed was a wink. No frowning disapproving glares. No attempts to help because there’s no help in those moments. You have to wait it out. The moms that give you the wink in solidarity.

It’s like a club of mothers who understand and reach out to each other. Thank you so much for being willing to share this awakened heart moment with you. That looks like it’s going to remain a very open-awakened heart in rehumanizing our connections. I want to say thank you and see if Bill has any closing comments or words.

I have a closing question. How can moms start to reconnect with each other? COVID shut a lot of stuff down and we have been separated. Even play dates from my friends that I know have been limited with their children and other children. What do you think we can do to connect people, to connect moms especially?

There are moms’ groups. I know that’s a thing. It’s not something I’m part of. That’s a good question because my oldest kiddo just entered kindergarten and that’s given me the opening to connect with other moms. There was a mom that was right around the corner from my house that I have lived here for years as she and I have never met her until our kids went to kindergarten together. She’s become somebody I rely on, trust, and care about.

As the schools are reopening and allowing for that connection, that’s helpful. I’m not quite sure what you do when your kids are not in school yet and you are not in a moms’ group, you don’t have the capacity to join a moms’ group. How do you connect or how would this mom connect with another mom on a more regular basis so they could maybe share resources and support? That I don’t know the answer to.

I don’t, either. I’m going to give a challenge to anybody who’s reading this. If you are a mom, go out and connect with two more moms because I’m sure some moms on your block, in your building, at your work, or somewhere close by. You don’t even have to go out of your circle of friends or work to find another mom, and say, “How’s it going? Do you want to have a cup of coffee? Let’s not talk about our kids.” Make that connection. I too want to thank you, Shauna, for sharing your story and the Awakened Heart Rehumanizing our Connections is a conversational format rooted in having people share stories of things that have moved them.

If you have a story, connect with us through our website, DelaCruzSolutions.com, or through our email or contact information, and let us know your story. I have been honored to be here with my friend, Guadalupe, and our guest, Shauna, and her stories. I wanted to thank everybody. Remember, this is The Origination Point and the Reawakened Heart is a series that we are on, getting people to tell stories of things that have moved them, touched them, or some interaction that created a new awakening for them. Thank you all for reading and we will see you again soon. Until then, keep growing and sharing your stories.

 

Important Links

• Youth Villages
• Shauna Lugar
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