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The Awakened Heart Ep. #4 With Gene Avery

This show was designed around creating connections with each other and understanding that there’s an origination point for everything that we do. The idea of this is how we rehumanize ourselves to each other, and how we create communities, environments, and cultures where we see in our scene who our most authentic self is.

I’m your host Bill de la Cruz. I’ve been honored to be able to bring a variety of guests and topics to you over the years. Tonight, we’re going to jump into another part of our show, which is an offshoot of the origination point. It’s called The Awakened Heart, Rehumanizing Our Connections. This is a collaboration between myself and my good friend Guadalupe, who will introduce herself in a minute.

It was created when we were having these conversations about how crazy the world is and how divided we’ve become. We were both sharing stories of people that we know who are doing kind, loving, and great things for each other. Of course, if you watch the news, they never talk about all those great things because that doesn’t get people’s interest.

What we decided to do is to connect with you, get your interest, and introduce you to everyday people who are doing things in their communities and with people that are being done through this idea of the awakened heart and rehumanizing our connections. As we’ve all been coming out of many years of fear, isolation, and divisiveness, we need to be intentional in how we reconnect with each other.

The Awakened Heart, Rehumanizing Our Connections is our approach to intentionalizing and creating connections. If you find value and enjoy this, please join us, subscribe, and share this. I hope you enjoy our guest in our show. I’m going to introduce my co-host, Guadalupe Guajardo. She’s going to tell you a little bit about herself, and then she will introduce our guest for this session. Guadalupe, come on in.

Thank you so much, Bill. It’s such a joy to do this with you. Before I introduce our guest, Gene Avery, there are lots of things that have been the driving force for this new additional show to Bill’s already very popular show. I’m a Roman Catholic nun. Part of my commitment to the world is to heal and repair the world.

I have a special ear for hearing when people are doing wonderful things to make the world a better place. It’s been in my heart for decades to find a way to share these stories because as Bill said, there is so much bad news and the world is hurting. There are good people doing good things all the time and they don’t get captured. This is an attempt to recognize that our hearts get awakened in beautiful ways to reconnect with our own humanity and other people’s humanity.

I’m going to say a couple of things about Gene, and then Gene will introduce himself. Gene attended, once upon a time, a training for Tools for Diversity, a group based in Portland, Oregon that grew out of the murder of an Ethiopian student in Southeast Portland. His name was Mulugeta Seraw. Helen Cheek worked for the city, fund some money, and gathered as she said apologetically other White women because it’s all she knew.

She said, “We cannot be known as the neighborhood that allows young Black men to be killed by skinheads.” She knew Kathleen Herron who knew Cliff Jones and knew me. We became Tools for Diversity and we were doing free diversity trainings all around the city. Right after the Rodney King situation in LA, there was no end to the work. Gene and I have a special connection because it’s not all White men who have an awakened heart. Gene rolled up his sleeves and said, “I want to do this work.” I’m going to let Gene introduce himself, and then we’re going to have a conversation about what bonded us together. Gene, introduce yourself.

Thank you for having me on. We’ve been in Portland, my wife and I, for decades. When we first came here, I was ready to move out of what I’ve been doing for a long time, which is peace activism. I felt like the next step was peace in our own country and peace between the races. I had no experience, no knowledge, and no friends of color. I’m just totally out of it.

I had one of the members of the school board in my building and I talked to him. I asked him, “What could I do as this White guy who knows nothing?” He said, “Get involved in your neighborhood association and start a hate-free zone.” I did that. I went the next week to a meeting of the neighborhood association. I got elected the vice president because there was no one else running.

 

I started a hate-free zone statement. We worked on it for months and finally published it. One of the things I realized is I still didn’t know anything. I heard about the diversity training that Guadalupe, Cliff, and Kathleen were doing. I went and took the training. My first inkling as to what was needed was we’re talking about stereotypes and how they continue. I had to come out with it that I told ethnic jokes. I thought, “I’m goodwill. I don’t mean anything by it. It’s just funny.” I realized, “No, I’m part of the problem. I’m maintaining stereotypes.” That got me going and Guadalupe helped me along. We did a lot of trainings. That’s how I got involved.

What bonded me to Gene was passion, eagerness, and the fact that he was able to say, “I don’t know what I don’t know, but I want to be a better person and make this a better community.” The way I enlisted Gene was that often, we would split up, Kathleen, Cliff, and I, and we would go off and do smaller trainings. We weren’t always hired as a team.

From time to time, I would have a training that would have a good cross-section of men in it because Oregon is primarily White. There would be White men. What I would notice is that when I got up to speak, I could visibly see that they would roll up the window. They were there, but I didn’t look like them, so they didn’t think I had much to say that would appeal to them.

That’s when it occurred to me to ask Gene if he would come with me. Gene, I don’t know why you had such a flexible schedule. Gene 100% of the time said, “Yes, I will come.” I’ll never forget that first training where Gene stood next to me. Gene, I honestly can’t remember if I gave you an active role or not, but I remember watching these older White men, in most cases. They would sit up and lean forward. I could see on their faces that they were paying attention.

That was a gift that you brought, not just to me but to Tools for Diversity that increased my own awareness of that whole concept called Cultural Affinity. We look for people who look like us. I had missed the importance of that. Gene basically followed me around. I remember the one time you made a difference and I’m trying not to get emotional about it. I was going to be on a radio talk show with a young White supremacist male. Do you remember that?

I do not.

I do not want to have to face hate from another person. I need an ally. I need to not feel alone. I invited you to come and be moral support for me. One of your charms is that you take orders so well. You came and you were just there as moral support. When the young man showed up to be on the radio talk show, I noticed he was shaking. I thought, “He is scared.” He’s a young person who has a cause and he’s scared. It helped me see his vulnerability soften and be more compassionate.

There were many instances where you were amazing support and provided moral support to me. Those are just two stories. Now I’d like you to say something about a story you shared with me. You were part of our moral support when Tools for Diversity was doing nine months of training. I’m thinking I shouldn’t name the city, but it was a city in the surrounding area that was doing training for law enforcement. There were 9 sessions with 40 law enforcement officers. Gene, I can’t remember how many of those you came to, but I would enjoy it if you share the story of what your takeaway was as you listened and what you observed.

First off, I know they were hostile to the whole idea, but they weren’t hostile to me. I was free to expose myself and to say, “I’ve done this. I know it. It seems natural. It doesn’t seem like it’s bad, but we’ve got to be careful of what we say.” It allowed the police to say, “I’m still okay, even though I have these thoughts and I have these impressions.” It opened it up to him.

The other thing that struck me in our sessions with the police was that they had no friends of color. The only time they encountered a person of color was when they were arresting them or questioning them for something. That was their only contact. I could have sympathy for not that they stay there, but how they got there. I think with us working together, they could hear you better. Of course, you had the knowledge, you knew what to say, and us working together, it came across.

You were what I would call an unanxious presence. You were so relaxed. That was another way that you, for the most part, were simply a presence there that was not part of the show, but you played such a supporting role. It’s what I remember.

Yes, that’s accurate. One thing I realized is that I could not lead these sessions. I didn’t have the knowledge and firsthand experience to be able to communicate, but I could be an assistant. One of the things that I’m doing right now is I’m part of a social justice committee at our tennis club. Tennis tends to be pretty White. We have formulated a plan to accelerate people of color coming into the club.

 

It’s been a lot of work in terms of, “How do we do it? How do we do it legally? We’ve got a long waiting list. How do we move some of these people of color up? How do we get more people to feel comfortable to come knock on the door?” That’s going now. We haven’t started to enroll or bring in people of color, but we’ve got a plan.

Gene, thanks for sharing some of your stories. I think that White men are much maligned these days in terms of being looked at as part of the problem. I’m happy to hear that you’re doing your work. It sounds like you went from saying, “I do these ethnic jokes. What’s the harm,” to realizing the harm in your own journey. I appreciate that.

One of my questions is, as you do this work and understand, in a lot of ways, White men are being looked at as a problem. I travel around the country. As I talk with White men about these issues, a lot of them come up to me and say that sometimes they’re required as a part of their role. When I was told by my boss that I had to be here, the first thing I ask them is, “Is this going to be one of those workshops where I’m going to be called a racist just because I’m a White man?”

I’m curious what you think about that and if you have ever been looked at that way, how do you respond to something like that? My experience has been that people who have issues with race come from a whole variety. There are many White men that I’ve met like yourself that want to be engaged in this work and conversation. I’m curious about when you hear a story like I just shared, what does that make you feel?

I think people that come are concerned. I’m not concerned. I know where my heart is and where I’ve been, so I can identify, “I can understand why you think that of me, but let’s talk.” One of my early experiences is when my wife and I were married. This is in ‘65, so it’s a long time ago. One of the groomsmen was White and his wife was Black. This is in LA. He would tell me about how they get stopped by the police when they’re driving. I said, “It’s got to be a mistake.” I gave it no credit. I had no experience. I haven’t talked to him for many years and I’d like to come back to him now and say, “You were right.”

It’s interesting the way that we look at people through the lens of race, which is essentially our skin color and a social construct and it has nothing to do with who we are as people. It’s prevalent even still. Guadalupe, I have a question for you too. One of the things you said as a Latina woman that, “I didn’t get a lot of street cred from some of these White guys, but then I brought Gene in, and then they paid attention.” I’m curious about what that felt like to you. They wouldn’t give you that same attention, but as soon as you had somebody who looked like them, then they pay attention.

I didn’t take it personal, first of all. It was so apparent to me that it didn’t have anything to do with me because they didn’t know me. If they don’t know me, then how can it be a judgment about me? It could only be a judgment about how they perceive me. I was both a female and a Brown female. In those days, I was a young female, so I didn’t look anything like them.

I didn’t take it personal but I learned a lesson. I decided to take it as there is a meaning I could make from this. I could drag Gene along with me as much as I can drag him along with me because his presence opens doors. This work was so important to me that I was going to do whatever it took. If what it took is having a White male stand next to me as that unanxious presence, I was going to do that. That’s the impact it had on me.

You bring up a few good points. Number one, you didn’t look at it as an affront to you because none of them knew you. It wasn’t about you as much as it wasn’t about them. It’s like me. I’m going to do whatever I have to do to get people to engage. It sounds like you realized that, “If I bring Gene with me as my kinship and have him there and if that’s what opens him up, then let’s do it.”

I think that’s a great approach to this work because a lot of times, people who are leading this work don’t want to flex to keep people engaged. They have either, “This is how it’s done. This is what you need to do.” What I’ve learned from these conversations is that we all have something that challenges us in this work. If we get beat up, then we’re not going to come back to the conversation.

That’s an important thing to take away from this conversation. It’s to realize that the color of your skin doesn’t dictate your willingness, ability, or desire to make changes in diversity, inclusion, and racial issues. We have to look at the whole culture of our organization. I’m going to transition a little bit, Gene, and talk to you about your tennis club.

The color of your skin doesn’t dictate your willingness, ability, or desire to make changes in diversity, inclusion, and racial issues. Share on X

I worked in education for a good part of my career. I worked in Denver in public schools. We also wanted to bring in more people of color. I work with organizations across the country that want to racially and ethnically diversify their organizations whether it’s for-profit, nonprofit or boards of directors. One level is attracting people who are different from you.

The encouragement I would have is that the next thing you all have to do is to talk about the culture of your group that you’re bringing people who are different into. If it’s predominantly White and has a Eurocentric approach for people from different racial, ethnic, gender, and sexual orientation backgrounds, we’re basically trying to fit them in without having to change the culture of the organization, which is probably the more challenging part of the conversation. Once you attract them, will the culture that they come into drive them away or keep them engaged? I’m curious about what you think about that.

It’s a member-owned club and has been around for many years. Originally, you had to have some member of the club invite you to join. That in itself keeps it pretty White because you’re inviting your friends. That changed quite a while ago but I don’t know exactly when. One example of the spirit of our club is after the George Floyd thing, we put up a big sign of Black Lives Matter on the building.

After a while, someone wrote in chalk on our steps, “How many people of color are members of your club?” It was a good question. It was there for 2 or 3 weeks and we didn’t erase it. It was a good question and we were addressing it at the time. We left it there as, “You’re right to question us and we’re working on it.”

That’s what we all need to do. We need to continue working together and doing whatever we can to keep everyone engaged in this conversation. I want to ask you one more question, and then see how Guadalupe wants to wrap this up. What advice or counsel, Gene, would you give to your White peers about why it’s important for them to be engaged in this conversation?

We’re organizing a way to bring people in early. People of color move up on the list. We’re making affirmative action, but not legally to bring them in. Our hope is that they will invite other people and make it more attractive. The club itself is pretty open to people of different genders and sexuality. It’s a good start, but the waiting list is long. It’s like 6 or 7 years. Someone’s got to be dedicated to make it to the waiting list and come in. We’re hurrying it up for people of color to move us quicker.

On a personal note, what’s important to you in terms of this work that we’re talking about in creating more awareness and being able to be engaged in the conversation?

It’s a weak word. It seems fair and right. I don’t know what else to say other than that.

Guadalupe, I’ll let you close this out and then I will say a few words and conclude our session.

Gene, you used a word that is very special to me when you were describing starting up invitation. I’m assuming for young people of color, but it doesn’t matter, who wants to learn tennis. You use the word “welcome.” That word can be a cultural word or a political word, but for me, it’s a spiritual word. Very early on, people are going to be checking you out, “Do you really know how to welcome me? Do you want me here? Are you being sincere? Are you being authentic? Are you just doing window dressing? Are we going to be tokenized? Do you want to feel like I’m a good guy?” I want to invite you to ask each person who you welcome. This builds on what Bill was saying, an organizational culture.

I’d like you to ask each person, “What’s one thing we can do so that you will feel welcomed here?” Be prepared to hear something you’re not used to hearing and be prepared to make a change. If you can’t make a change, then nothing will change, and these individuals will not stick around. Does that make sense, Gene?

 

It does. We talk about it. We want to be welcoming and for people to feel that they are welcome here. I’m now starting to teach tennis which is a volunteer thing for kids after school in a relatively mixed neighborhood. We’re going to bring them over to the club with their parents to see it and play some so we’re going to have an opportunity to ask people.

I want this one story as an example. Often, people think they know how to welcome. When women were moving into the business world and hotels wanted to accommodate women in their hotels, they didn’t ask women, “What do you need here to feel welcomed?” They started putting up pink curtains and making them pretty. They thought that was the most important thing women wanted.

When they asked women, “What do you want in order to feel welcomed in our hotel?” They would say things like, “We want enough lighting in the parking lot so we feel safe. You already have a mirror for men for shaving. We want a cosmetic mirror in the bathroom. We want an ironing board and an iron.” That’s what I mean by asking them what they need to authentically feel welcomed, and then be prepared to change.

I want to thank you, Gene, for being in my life. By the way, Bill and others tuning in, Gene and I lost track of each other for a couple of decades. Gene called the Holy Name Sisters to track me down. It was in that process that I thought, “I’m going to make him a guest in our show.” Gene, let’s stay in touch and I want to affirm to you the good work that you’re doing in the world. Thank you so much for being my friend, a colleague, and part of healing and repairing the world. With that, Bill, I’ll give you the last couple of words.

Thanks, Guadalupe. Gene, thanks for being a part of our show. It’s so important that wherever you are on your journey, you continue to grow, become more aware, and realize that everyone plays a role in rehumanizing our connections and has the ability to have an awakened heart. Keep looking for ways to make a difference.

Small things done by a lot of people add up to some big changes. I want to thank you Guadalupe for bringing our guests. You’ve been tuning into a series that we have on our show called The Awakened Heart, Rehumanizing Our Connections. It’s where we bring in people who are doing small things in their lives and in their communities that can help to move the conversation of how we see and are seen for our most authentic selves. That’s a big part of this connection that we need to all make an effort to do.

Small things done by a lot of people add up to some big changes. Share on X

Thank you so much for tuning in. If you enjoyed this session, please share it, subscribe, and keep on the lookout. We will be releasing these Awakened Heart sessions about every other week, maybe more frequently. Keep tuning in as we’ll be continuing to add topics on a weekly basis as well. Thank you all for connecting with us. Thank you to our guests. We will see you in the next session of The Awakened Heart, Rehumanizing Our Connections.

Thank you, Bill.

 

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